Last week, it didn’t all fit.
I usually cut it pretty close but still manage to make everything fit
I try so hard to fit 26 hours of work into a 24 hour day.
I can usually do it, crumple everything up really small, leave out the ‘me time’, skip a meal and while I’m exhausted at the end of the day but it all works out.
Not last week.
I rearranged, unpacked and repacked all of my priorities. I even left out the parts I deemed unnecessary, like Bible reading and deep conversation. But it still didn’t fit. And at around 5 o’clock on Wednesday it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I can’t make everyone happy today.
I physically cannot do it. I can push and squeeze as hard as I want but I just can’t do it all.
I couldn’t please everyone and I was surprisingly relieved. I think there was a little piece of my heart that didn’t want to.
So I decided to do what was best for me and my sanity.
I really hate it when the best thing for my wellbeing isn’t what I think is the ‘right’ thing to do.
I skipped church thing. And I’m so glad I did.
I slowed down, sat and cried for a little bit, drank some Café Vienna, finished my homework, had a quiet time and just completely stopped thinking.
It was then that I realized that sometimes I hide my people pleasing behind the mask of ‘unselfishness’. When honestly, I’ve convinced myself that things don’t work without me. I have to have it all together all the time, because if not, nothing will work. What I intend to be unselfish acts are some of the most selfish things I do sometimes. Honoring commitments and responsibilities is one thing, but putting the weight of the world on my shoulders is downright ridiculous. I have a savior for that.
Guess what? Everything was fine. No one was disappointed in me, the world didn’t end and I got a good night’s sleep for the first time in months.
I’m sorry that I had to be so completely wound up before I just completely unraveled and took a break but I have a new appreciation for a Savior who gives rest to the weary and burdened.
“Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
– Matthew 28:10